I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just found puke in my bra..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
