i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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