my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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