I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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