I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
