I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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