capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
