in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i need some magic done to my vagina
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
