you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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