I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
