its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
