ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
