Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
