Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
