I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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