I just cut my nipple shaving
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
