if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
