can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
