i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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