last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
