I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
