Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
