he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
