I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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