OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
