If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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