Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
