I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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