i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
