I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Houston, we have a squirter
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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