Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
