Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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