There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
