sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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