I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
