Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
