im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
