Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
