a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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