Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
