She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize