M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
