Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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