I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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