apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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