you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
