I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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