I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
