I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
