I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
