It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
