I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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