sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
