I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
