the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
