i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
