I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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