I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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