Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
there is glitter all over my balls
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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