Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
