Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
