I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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