he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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