i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
