I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
