I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
