If that was your dad, he is hot
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
