i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
