and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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