so explain again why im purple
no
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
