this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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