just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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