Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Is Oprah even human
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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