I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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