So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize