yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think people are normalizing furries
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
