no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
