Need sex. Gaining weight.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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