Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
