So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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