Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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