i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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