if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
