I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
