I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
