in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
