it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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