Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
