I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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