What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
