I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We had to coat check the pizza.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
