im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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