LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize