Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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