Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
