I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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